"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
