Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
