aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
