Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
