your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
