I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
