covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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