suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You left your phone here
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