so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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