So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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