Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
COCAINE IS GR8
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize