Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
