So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
