you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
