on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize