I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
