Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Oh god it's open bar.
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