The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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