meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
