Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
