Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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