the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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