I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
