Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
