I think im going to throw up on grandma
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
