I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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