omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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