OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
