There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
jump out the window naked night went bad
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
