everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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