Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
