I molested 6 butterflies tonight
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
