The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize