Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
