I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just want to make out with him forever
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I would ride that face into the sunset
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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