It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize