I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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