Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
