apparently the secret to your success is patron
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
