Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
