Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Randomize
