I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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