I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
