I have demons in me.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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