there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
