"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize