Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
