Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
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