Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
