I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
