If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
