And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
