Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
