Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize