yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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