I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Is it because I queefed?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
