Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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