someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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