Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
