Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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