I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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