i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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