She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
