we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
