in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
