His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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