"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
two words: eviction party
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
