weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
