So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
