the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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