Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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