I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
