and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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