I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
